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Heaven is a Place on Earth: How to End Your Personal Suffering

“I just can’t take it anymore.”

“Things are never going to change.”

“There is nothing that I can do to make this better.”

“I give up.”

“I am tired, worn down, weak.”

“I just want this to be over.”

“I would be better off dead.”

Do any of those beliefs sound familiar? Have you ever felt that way? Do you feel that way right now?

Life is not always easy. In fact, some days it seems impossible. Many people are not even living their lives, they are simply surviving. Many people would love to be happy, but they just don’t know how.

“We can reach heaven while we are alive; we don’t have to wait until we die.” —Don Miguel Ruiz

The reality of life is that suffering is not necessary. The truth is that we can reach heaven while we are alive; we don’t have to wait until we die. The key to reaching heaven is to create happiness all around you. It starts by making simple choices and changing your beliefs.

First, you must choose to stop suffering.

“Suffering makes you feel safe because you know it so well. But there really is no reason to suffer. The only reason you suffer is because you choose to suffer. If you look at your life you will find many excuses to suffer, but a good reason you will not find. The same is true for happiness. The only reason you are happy is because you choose to be happy. Happiness is a choice, and so is suffering.” —Don Miguel Ruiz

We always move in the direction of our most dominant thoughts. Think about that. Read that sentence to yourself a few times. We always move in the direction of our most dominant thoughts. If you are regularly having thoughts like the ones mentioned at the top of this post — “I can’t take it anymore; Things are never going to change; I give up” — what direction do you think you are moving in? If those thoughts are running through your head, then you are moving in a negative direction. You are suffering and you will continue to suffer.

In order to choose to stop suffering, you must choose to stop having thoughts about suffering. Remember that you are in control of your mind. You choose what thoughts get to pass there. Even as the negative thoughts pop up, you have the ability to crush them out. If you practice banishing the automatic negative thoughts, with time, they will appear in your mind less and less.

You must align your thoughts and your emotions. You must feel today how you wish to feel tomorrow. For example, imagine that you want to lose weight but you are struggling. The automatic thoughts that come into your mind are: “I am trying so hard but I have seen no results.” “I will never be able to lose this weight.” “I feel fat, ugly, and disgusting.”

Remember that you will always move in the direction of your most dominant thoughts, so where do you think that those thoughts will take you? Not any place good! Those thoughts are self-defeating. You must get rid of those thoughts and replace them with positive ones — feel today how you want to feel tomorrow. “I am strong and confident.” “I focus all of my energy on creating a healthy mind & body.” “I am beautiful.” If those are your dominant thoughts, they will take you straight to success.

You will be confident and you will reach your goals. You will work hard and you will not give up.

Then, you must recognize that beliefs are not facts.

“I just can’t take it anymore.”

“Things are never going to change.”

“There is nothing that I can do to make this better.”

Do you know what each of those thoughts has in common? They are all beliefs and not only are they beliefs, they are also negative, irrational beliefs. For some reason, we tend to believe that just because we think something that it is automatically a fact. That is completely wrong and destructive.

If you take the time to analyze all of the thoughts that run through your head, even for five minutes, you will find that at least 90% of those thoughts are beliefs and not facts. You are constantly interpreting and judging the world around you, the people around you, and yourself. Therein lies the problem. You are making judgments and those judgments are beliefs.

When you believe something, you assume you are right to the point that you will destroy yourself in order to defend your position. Let’s look at the weight loss example again. If you believe that you are not capable of losing weight, you can defend that position until it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Eventually you will become incapable of losing weight because of your own self-destructive thoughts.

However, if you recognize that your thought, “I can’t lost the weight” is only a belief (a false belief!) you can eliminate that thought and replace it with the truth. “I am strong. I am capable. I will lose this weight.”

“In your whole life nobody has ever abused you more than you have abused yourself.” —Don Miguel Ruiz

Did you know that? It is absolutely true. There is no person in this world that is capable of hurting and damaging you in the way that you hurt and damage yourself. You are your own worst critic — but today I want you to become your own biggest fan. “I am strong. I am capable. I can do anything that I want to.” You need to tell yourself those things because they are true! The negative thoughts are false beliefs, but the positive truths are facts. You are capable, you are strong, you can do anything. There is no dream too great. In the history of the human race, people have come up against incredible odds and managed to achieve “unbelievable” things. There is no reason why you can not achieve the goals that you set for yourself. The first step is to believe that you can do it.

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If you are capable of choosing happiness over suffering; if you are capable of accepting that your beliefs are not facts; you are also capable of experiencing heaven while you are here on Earth. There are beautiful things surrounding you all of the time. No matter who you are or where you are, there are pieces of heaven surrounding you always.

“In the right light, at the right time, everything is extraordinary.” —Aaron Rose

Life is truly what you make of it.

“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.” —John Milton

If you have the tools and the desire to create your own personal heaven, you can can do it. You can live your life surrounded by love, peace, and success. Start right now!

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A couple of recommendations…

All of the quotes above by Don Miguel Ruiz come from his book, The Four Agreements. The book transformed my life and it can transform yours. I highly recommend it and you can check out some more information about the book my clicking the Amazon Widget on the right side of this page.

If you are interested in learning more about how to tell the difference between beliefs & facts in order to live a life of happiness, I also recommend checking out the e-book, How to Be Rich and Happy.

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  • · · · ·

    My Journey to Financial Freedom | Part 2: The Climb

    Emergency Fund

    Three years ago, I was nearly $60,000 in debt. I had a Bachelor’s degree that didn’t appear to be worth its weight in salt and a job that couldn’t cover a fraction of my monthly bills. I was terrified.

    Today, I am closer to complete financial freedom than I ever dreamed possible. Last week, I paid off my last remaining credit card balance. This two-part post is a celebration of this incredible milestone in my journey.

    In part one, I explained how I got to that terrible place. In part two, I will explain how I’m getting out of it (and how you can do it, too).

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    1. Change the way you think about spending money. For most of my life, I believed that money was made to be spent. I believed that I *deserved* to spend every dollar that I earned on some material thing that would “make me happy.” I coveted material possessions—clothes, jewelry, electronics, cars. What I realize now is that money is not meant to be spent. You only need to earn enough money to survive. You should have enough money to buy only what you need. There is no need for excess.

    “You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your fuc*ing khakis.” (Fight Club)

    This shift in mindset is hard to adjust to at first. You may not like the reactions that you receive from people. Believe me, I’ve been called cheap a few times, but I pay no mind to it. I would choose cheap over poor any day.

    2. Keep a budget. I highly recommend using Mint.com. I started using it in September and it has been one of the most transformational and useful tools throughout my journey to financial freedom. It allows you to sync up all of your accounts (loans, checking, savings, etc.) in one place. Then it keeps track of every transaction that you make and sorts/organizes all of the data for you. It allows you to track your spending over time and by category. It gives you incredible perspective and insight about where your money goes each month/year. It has been a truly eye-opening experience for me.

    If you’re unwilling to try Mint, you can keep a budget on a spread sheet or even by hand. However, the important thing is to be completely conscious about where every dollar you spend is going.

    3. Use a debit card. To reap the full Mint.com experience you should use a debit card for every purchase you make. Using the debit card will automatically flag each transaction you make into the appropriate category. So if you go to Shoprite, it will get marked as groceries. If you go to Home Depot it will get marked as home. If you stop at the gas station it will get marked as automobile, and so on.

    I use my debit card (linked to my checking account) for almost every single transaction that I make. I also have all of my monthly bills (like my auto insurance, utilities, and gym membership) automatically debited from the same checking account each month. It makes keeping track of my spending that much easier. Plus, I do not like dealing with cash. The debit card is quick, easy, and is accepted almost everywhere now.

    Whether or not you use Mint.com it is a good idea to use a debit card simply because you can review all of your purchases and purchase amounts on your monthly statement. Trying to keep track of receipts is a hassle that I don’t have time for.

    4. Pay off credit cards and cut them up. Paying off my credit cards was my first priority. For awhile I tried “credit card surfing.” Let me just tell you from experience, it’s overrated and it really doesn’t work. The idea is that you surf from credit card to credit card by transferring balances. A lot of companies will give you 0% APR for 6 months if you transfer your balances over to them. After the 6 months, you “surf” to a new card with another promotional rate.

    The problem with this tactic is that it gets messy quickly, it becomes difficult to keep up with, and if you lose track you will end up getting burned by high APRs, finance fees, cancellation fees, etc. Also, it probably doesn’t look great on your credit report if you’re opening up a new card every 6 months or so.

    It is much safer and wiser to just stop using credit cards! My theory is simple and has taken me very far: If you can not afford to buy it, then you can not afford it. Period. It is simple logic.

    5. Eat in. This is one of the easiest changes to make, but it also comes with an enormous, positive impact. When I started closely tracking my spending habits, I was shocked to see how much I was spending on eating out. A meal at a decent restaurant goes for about $25 per person. If you eat out twice a week, that is $3,120 a year. If you grab lunch out during the work week, it’s about $8 a day. That’s $2,080 a year. Put those together and you could be spending $5,200 a year or more on dining out! That is outrageous and completely unnecessary.

    Since I started eating in and packing lunches, I’ve taken my monthly food spending from $500 down to $200 or less! Over time, that means enormous savings. Check out 5dollardinners.com for some awesome, inexpensive recipes. I love it! Also, investing in a crock pot was one of the wisest decisions I ever made—chili, sausage & peppers, and goulash will be your new (delicious, cheap) best friends. (Here are some more tips for eating healthy & mindfully.)

    6. Direct deposit money into savings every month. This is my final—and perhaps most important—tip. When I began my journey to financial freedom, I opened a savings account with ING Direct. It is an easy-to-use online savings account and it gives you interest on the money that you save. It also allows you to set up easy direct deposits.

    I started out small, depositing $50 a month into my savings. As I learned to keep my budget tighter and tighter, I increased the amount that I put into my savings each month. Currently, I am putting away $500+ per month and hope to get closer to $1,000 per month in the very near future.

    When you direct deposit the funds, it comes out automatically. It is painless because you don’t have to do a thing. Because it’s automatic, after awhile you don’t even notice that it’s missing. (I remember reading that on another blog several months ago and thinking, “Are you out of your mind?! I’m not going to miss it? Yea right!”) But I can honestly say that after a few months, you adjust to the missing money. You truly do not miss it once it becomes normal for that amount to be deposited into savings automatically each month.

    It has been one of the best decisions that I’ve made and because I’ve worked so hard to get to this place—I don’t touch that money! I am keeping it there for a rainy day or to pay off my student loans someday in one fell swoop.

    ————————————————————————

    As I stated at the start of this post, three years ago I was almost $60,000 in debt; I was twenty-three years old; and I was scared to death. Today, I have my finances under control! I am on the road to financial freedom and you can get here, too. Truly, it is not as hard as it seems. With common sense and a bit of dedication, it will happen. Paying off my last credit card balance was like taking chains off of my wrists for the first time in seven years. The feeling was completely priceless. If I can do it, anybody can.

    So, what are your financial goals? Have you ever been in financial prison? How did you free yourself? If you’re still there, what are you going to do to break free?

8 Comments

  1. thank you so much for this post! incredible read. totally can relate and overall i love your personal blog. i hope i can get mine up to par some day. but i just started it. you should help me out and give me some pointers. aha.

  2. @diddling – I've checked out your blog and I am intrigued. It looks like you are off to a great start! I'd be happy to help, let me know if you have questions. Are you on Twitter? If yes, add me @denabotbyl

    Thanks so much for the positive feedback!

  3. Thanks a lot for the mention Dena!

    I agree, The 4 Agreements is an incredible book and I would recommend anybody to read it. It also had a profound effect on me and is in my faves of all time.

  4. @Tim – Thank you, Tim. I am very impressed with HTBR&H, hope to post the full review sometime next week. Happy New Year!

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