“To offer no resistance to life is to be in a state of grace, ease, and lightness.” —Eckhart Tolle
Stop resisting the will of the Universe. I’ve said this to myself thousands of times. It is perhaps one of the most powerful tools that has led me to peace of mind.
In the past four years, I overcame depression, anxiety, and I lost sixty pounds. When you overcome a lifetime of anxiety & depression, a lot of things change. For one thing, you begin to enjoy life. Simple things that you hadn’t noticed before fill your heart with joy—Spring, a cold glass of water on a hot day, a good workout, a kind word, a smile. When you are overcome by the effects of anxiety & depression, you do not have time to notice these simple pleasures. (They are often overshadowed by the negative, irrational thoughts swarming inside of your head.)
Happiness begets happiness, as I like to say. However, even in my increased state of happiness, I knew that something still wasn’t right. It took me awhile to realize what it was. Only after months of careful self-observation did I realize what was happening.
A hard day at work = I was disgusted, angry, plagued by head aches.
A frustrating experience at a car dealership = I was furious.
An upcoming flight and travel arrangements = I was anxious, worried, sick to my stomach.
I was continually allowing my mind to make me angry, sick, sad, frustrated, etc. Yet, after each of these experiences I learned some valuable lesson or something really important & meaningful happened as a result.
Hard days at work always lead me to clarity about how myself and my team could be more efficient.
The frustrating experience at the car dealership actually prevented me from making a terrible mistake and purchasing the wrong car.
Recent travel and trips have brought me incredible successes in my personal & professional life.
Upon observing all of this, it hit me. Even when things seemed terrible, even when I was really upset, eventually the pain of the situation would subside. Moreover, I would come out on the other side wiser, stronger, and grateful. Every thing that happened (happens) to me is a direct result of the will of the Universe (you can call that God, fate, destiny, or any other name you’d like to give it, no matter). Yes, every thing that happens is a direct result of the will of the Universe and an opportunity to learn and grow. In order to live true happiness, I had to stop resisting the will of the Universe. Once I did this, my life changed in incredible (and previously unimaginable) ways. When I stop resisting and simply “go with the flow” I find that I am constantly filled with a deep calmness in my soul. I do not worry or suffer. I simply exist and let all scenarios play themselves out. I understand that even pain is necessary and that ultimately it will carry me to a place of light & peace.
Fear is Unnecessary
At the root of every single feeling of discomfort, lies one emotion: fear. Fear is the emotion responsible for all forms of suffering. Sadness, anxiety, worry, rage, hatred, envy, and all other forms of suffering are rooted in fear. However, once you stop resisting the will of the Universe, you will understand that fear and suffering are actually not necessary at all.
The vast majority of fear and suffering is a result of living in an unreal world and/or allowing negative, irrational thoughts to control our minds. The unreal world is the world of sky rise buildings, electricity, paper money, McDonald’s, television, marketing, vanity surgery, reality TV, etc. The real world is the world of trees, dirt, sun, stars, wind, rain, whole foods, self-love, generosity, family, love, etc. Can you see the difference? Once you remove yourself from the suffocating chains of the unreal world, and begin living in the real world, you will find that most of the fears that you experience are completely unnecessary. The vast majority of anxieties that we suffer from are made-up.
– fear of judgment
– fear of failure
– fear of humiliation
– fear of public speaking
– fear of making a mistake
– fear of travel
– fear of forgetting something
– fear of being alone and so on
Once you realize that these fears are made-up in the unreal world, they can hold no power over you. All of the above are irrational anxieties. None of those things would actually put your life in danger or expose you to any harm. The only place that they can affect you is in your head. But you must remember that you have control over what goes on in your head! You can use cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to end the suffering.
Eventually, you will realize that true fear might have a place in your life, but that is only when you are truly in danger. Perhaps while being chased by a bear or masked murderer, while falling from a cliff, etc. Yes, in those instances, your fear is justified and it can help you by creating adrenaline, increased strength, quicker reflexes and cognitive ability. But other than those “real” true fear situations, there is really no need for fear and certainly no need for emotional suffering.
Live Without Resistance or Fear
Once you learn to stop resisting the will of the Universe and to live without fear, you will experience an entirely new & improved sort of living. You will find that all of the things that you once desired, but were afraid to seek, are actually within your reach. For example, I was emotionally crippled by irrational anxiety for the first half of my life. This made it impossible for me to speak in front of people. I could not ask a question in a class of twenty, let alone get up in front of a group of people to speak. My anxiety over public speaking was so great, that it crippled me. I once experienced a debilitating panic attack at a dinner party of five family friends! But… that is ancient history.
Now, my former self is hardly recognizable. I have spoken in front of groups of sixty people or more with grace and confidence. I know that my fear is irrational & unnecessary, so I overcome it. Sure, my heart rate may increase, I might sweat a bit—but I do not let it stop me! I remind myself that that the fear is not real and I move forward to success.
You are entirely capable of achieving the same same sort of success in your own life—personal & professional. Whatever your fear is, you can overcome it.
“You’ll seldom experience regret for anything that you’ve done. It is what you haven’t done that will torment you.” —Wayne Dyer
To allow fear to rule your life, is not to live at all. So stop resisting the will of the Universe and stop allowing fear to rule your life. Begin living, truly living, right now. There is nothing in your way. What is your greatest fear? Can you believe that it is unnecessary? What would you do if you had no fear in your heart at all? How different could your life be?
The only time you run out of chances is when you stop taking them!
I am now offering personalized coaching sessions to individuals suffering from anxiety &/or depression. If you are interested in scheduling a session or would like to learn more, please contact me at denabotbyl[@]gmail[.]com for details and rates. Include CBT Session in the subject line.
I actually did this in September for about 3 1/2 weeks. I got so much done, my yoga practice was so much stronger, and I felt better in general. The 1st week was the hardest cause I was used to having a glass of wine to wind down at the end of the day. Good luck!
Really? Thanks so much for sharing, Elle! I am happy to hear that you had a positive experience. That gives me even more motivation to stick with it!
Great idea! I’m in the same boat – I wouldn’t say I’m an alcoholic by any means, but I enjoy my wine a little too much for my own comfort. So count me in! This sounds like the perfect personal challenge for November!
Thanks, Lisa! So excited to hear that you’ll be joining me in the challenge. Moral support! Good luck to you and make sure you keep in touch and let me know about your progress.
think this is awesome, good luck dena! <3
Thank you, beautiful Crista. <3
Good luck, Dena. I didn’t have my first drink until I was in my 30’s, and sometimes I wish I’d never started. This will be an enlightening adventure for us both. xo
Wow! Thirty! That is incredible. I started drinking early… and often. It was (and to some extent is) a way of life within my family & group of friends. I’m really looking forward to seeing how this goes. xo
I think I shall join you friend…..cheers!
Yay! So excited to hear that, darling. Let me know of your progress. xo
Good luck Dena!
I did this too with my husband and it was great fun. After the first couple of days we had a defined taste in teas of all sorts and it wasn’t hard on us at all!
Have great cleaning 30 days!
Love, Kathy
Thanks for sharing, Kathy! Happy to hear that you guys had such a positive experience. I’m looking forward to it.
Very Timely Note Dearest Dena!! My thoughts yesterday where very powerful towards taking such action….Then, this morning I come in to your “burst of inspiring love” Think I’ll be joining you—thank you— make it a great day!
Really, Cindy? I am so excited to hear that you will be joining me! Thank you for all of your sweet words. Love you so much. Let me know how it goes. XOXO
I am so excited for you that you’re embarking on this alcohol-less journey. Your first paragraph basically describes my relationship with alcohol as well. Alcoholism runs through my blood as well, so I can relate on so many levels. At first I thought it was going to be the social situations that would be post difficult to handle without alcohol, like “Don’t worry guys, I’m still fun without booze.” But honestly, it’s the after a long day at work glass of wine that I miss the most. So, I too am trying to find a new outlet to release those defeated or stressed feelings.
xoox
I have a feeling that my evening glass(ES!) of wine are going to be the ones that I miss the most, too. And I know I’ll be alright on the weekdays, but weekends are going to slay me. However, I feel like this is really important. I am hoping that I will prove to myself that I don’t need it to be happy + I hope that by doing so, I can also change my habits.
Thank you so much for inspiring me to do this, love. xoxo
I appreciate the honesty of this post. I can relate. Being pregnant three times has taught me the joy of sipping and savoring a good glass of wine. I try to remember that after I give birth and have the green light to booze it up again. 🙂
Thanks, Angie. You know, it’s so funny that you mention pregnancy. I am getting married in June and we are planning to try and start a family soon after. I’ve often thought– “OMG! How am I going to get through nine months without a drink?!” The next 30 days will be excellent preparation. :o)
Awesome! I have been on a non alcohol month in october and intend to pursue this until xmas.
It feels reaaly good. I’ll write about it soon.
That is fantastic, Manu! I can’t wait to read about your experience. I hope that you do write about it soon. :]
Wow Dena, you hit this one on the head. I echo every sentiment you wrote here. I should probably give up booze for a while too. If for nothing else just to get a little un-clouded in my head.
Thanks a lot, JR. Writing this has really opened up my eyes to how common this problem(?) is. I hesitate to say problem. It’s a fine line because I truly enjoy a good drink or glass of wine and I feel like that’s okay. But I shouldn’t rely on it. Ya know? So I am really hopeful that this experiment will do something positive for me. Let me know if you decide to join in.
Good luck Dena, I am sure that you will do great.
Good luck 🙂 I’m looking forward to your progress. Alcohol has been a touchy thing for me too and your no alcohol November motivates me more that I can go without it for a while too 🙂
I’ve given up the bottle as well. I have a totally addictive personality so I’ve abused every substance I’ve ever tried. My relationships are in ruins and I’ve had to do some soul searching to figure out what’s wrong with me. I wish you all the best, I’ll be walking this path with you! And boy has it been hard watching Boardwalk Empire whilst not drinking!
Dena…let my know how your ebook goes? I am interested in writing my own.
Hey, Matt! Will do.
How is this going? I drink almost every night. Sometimes it’s just a glass but still…. brave soul. Let me know!
It hasn’t been easy, Meg! I am going to make an update soon. Long story short, it’s been a challenge (some days harder than others) but it’s been incredibly worthwhile & I am so glad that I am doing this.
I did this last year from Nov. 10th through Dec. 10th! I feel the same way as you.
http://www.neverniche.com/p/popular-posts.html <– recapped at days 10, 20, 30.
Hi Dena, I found your post because Manu linked both of us in *his* post about quitting alcohol. I did a 30 day no-alcohol test for myself two years ago. I was worried that perhaps I was an alcoholic – many of the things you wrote above resonate with how I feel about alcohol. My favorite thing that I learned was that I will just put away any glass in my hand – not just alcohol. If I was at a cafe working on my laptop and drinking cherry coke, I’d go through them as fast as beer or G&T. I just feel compelled to finish whatever is in the glass. Since you mentioned going through 4 or 5 drinks at a time, I wonder, have you noticed anything similar to this during your own 30 day break? Or is it just me?
Hey Drew! It’s perfect timing because I just now posted my results posted following the 30 day challenge. “I just feel compelled to finish whatever is in the glass.” I can totally sympathize with this, though this compulsion haunts me more with food than drink. I’ve suffered with my weigh tall my life and one of the big reasons is because I love it so much. No matter how full I feel, I am always compelled to finish what’s on the plate.
I learned an incredible lot through this challenge. I just posted my results here: http://evolutionyou.net/no-alcohol-november-results/ Would love to hear your thoughts. I am going to check out your site now & follow you back on Twitter.
Pleased to meet you, Drew!
How have I not found your blog before? I actually just came across it via Drew’s tweet. Yesterday marked the end of my one-year experiment without alcohol, and it was easily one of the best experiments I’ve ever done. I feel like a much more confident and empowered person now, and I have no desire to drink again. My main reason for giving it up was that I used it too much as a crutch. I felt like I couldn’t relax and have fun until I was three drinks deep.
I hope November went well for you.
Thanks for the comment, Niall. Really glad we’ve found each other. I just posted my challenge results this morning. (http://evolutionyou.net/no-alcohol-november-results/). I definitely learned a lot. My relationship with alcohol is forever changed. I, too, was using it as a crutch, both to deal with stress and to make awkward social situations easier.
I’m really glad I did the challenge, even though I mucked it up in the end. The lessons are invaluable. I’m now going to check out your site and follow you back on Twitter. :]