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Trust Your Struggle

evolutionyou.net | Trust Your Struggle

“My mouth is a fire escape. The words coming out don’t care that they are naked, there is something burning in here.” —Andrea Gibson

Sometimes we want to say something, but words fail us. Maybe we want to describe the goosebumps that crawl all over our bodies while listening to Nina Simone. Or the rush of blood to the head as we watch watercolors creep across the sky at sunset. Or the way that we want to fall to our knees standing on the shore as the tide comes in. But we can’t always find the words, and so we say nothing.

I’ve been having a hard time and it’s one of those times when the words just won’t come. But still, I’m here, I’m trying. Recently I was writing to a friend and I was telling him how I feel a bit lost and confused; how I’m not sure exactly what I want to do with my life. And just when I thought that I was quite alone in the world, he reminded me that I am not, not at all.

There is a line in the sunscreen song that says: Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t. It makes me happy… because it’s so true.

My grandmother was an artist. One time we were making an oil painting together and I asked her for a ruler. She said: Dena, there are no straight lines in nature. That has always stuck with me. That’s the way it is with life, too. There are no straight lines. There are periods of calm and then there are tidal waves. There are little bumps in the road and sometimes there are cliffs and all of a sudden you’re falling into the depths never knowing what hit you. And all of it is alright. There are no straight lines, not really.

Sometimes I come down on myself for not being “enough.” When that happens I like to remind myself of Steven Pressfield. He once said that the most important thing about art is to work. Nothing else matters except sitting down every day and trying. And I like that a lot. I think it’s true for art, and I think it’s true for life, too. Nothing else matters except sitting down every day and trying.

Even though it’s not always easy to see it in the present, when I look back on my life, the struggles are the most beautiful parts. Right now, I’m trying to trust my struggle.

It’s not perfect, but I’m trying.

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    Review: Tribes by Seth Godin

    On a recent flight, I began reading Seth Godin’s Tribes. On the return flight, I finished it. It was my introduction to Seth Godin—no idea why I hadn’t found him sooner!—and what an introduction it was. The book blew me away. It is the best book on leadership and change management that I’ve ever read. While the content is sure to inspire change of the greatest sort within any organization—from business to church, non-profit to learning institution—it is also of incredible value to individuals.

    In this post I want to share some of my favourite pieces from Tribes as well as some of my own insights.

    Whether you want to create positive change in the world, in the workplace, or simply in your own, I recommend that you read the book for yourself. It is a relatively easy read, spliced up into short, digestible chapters. I got through it in a few hours. But it is absolutely packed with revolutionary ideas, suggestions, and real-life examples of people making a difference and leading tribes in today’s world.

    Many people are starting to realize that they work a lot and that working on stuff they believe in (and making things happen) is much more satisfying then just getting a paycheck and waiting to get fired (or die).

    I’ve begun to think of my generation as the Fight Club generation. Tyler Durden said it best, “We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.” I think Tyler and Seth’s sentiments are one and the same. Our parents (or maybe you) were raised to believe that you needed to grow up, go to school, get a job, and stay there. Work hard, save money, vacation once a year, and retire as soon as possible.

    Well, the Fight Club generation doesn’t want to hear that nonsense. We want gratification now. We don’t want to spend 40 hours a week miserable just so that we can collect a paycheck twice a month. We don’t want to spend half a lifetime at a job that we hate just so we can get fired or die one day! We believe that we can be happy now. We can pursue our passions, make a difference in the world, live out our dreams, and be successful all at once. And… we are right. We can do it. There are people doing it every single day. I love Tribes because it tells the stories of those people and more importantly, how they got there and how we can do it, too.

    Somewhere along the way, perhaps when twenty thousand Ford workers lost their jobs in one day, or when it became clear that soft drink companies were losing all their growth to upstarts, the factory advantage began to fade.

    The reason why the “school-job-suffer-retire” model worked for so long was because it was safe, it was comfortable. Human beings like to feel safe. It feels good to know that you will get a check once every couple weeks. It feels safe to know that you can walk into the office every morning and the lights will turn on and the computer will turn on. The peace of mind in trading your hours for dollars seems worth it when you have to put food on a table and a roof over someone’s head. But, guess what, that model isn’t really proving to be so safe after all.

    The recent tanking of the economy has really shaken things up. People are losing their jobs at rapid rates, unemployment is way up. Ethics have been violated, corruption runs rampant, and people don’t feel safe anymore. We want to take matters into our own hands. We want to create the lives of our dreams and be completely independent. We are doing it every day.

    In unstable times, growth comes from leaders who create change and engage their organizations, instead of from mangers who push their employees to do more for less.

    Now, more than ever, each of us has an opportunity obligation to become a leader, to create change, and to make a positive difference. The ever-evolving world of social media and the Web—Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Wikipedia, Google—give us instant access to an unthinkable quantity of information and resources. When we learn how to leverage those resources we can become unstoppable. When we teach others to leverage those resources our tribes can become unstoppable. It is a great time to be a leader, and it is also the right time.

    Leadership is scarce because few people are willing to go through the discomfort required to lead. This scarcity makes leadership valuable. It’s uncomfortable to propose an idea that might fail. If you’re not uncomfortable in your work as a leader, it’s almost certain you’re not reaching your potential as a leader.

    Change = pain. If there is anything that I have learned over the past three years, it is this. Human beings are creatures of habit. When asked why things are done a certain way, most people will always respond the same way: “Because that’s the way we’ve always done it.” It is safe, it is comfortable. Our profits may be plummeting, our staff may be miserable, our customers may be disgusted—but this is the way we’ve always done it! Don’t try to mess with our traditions! Right? Wrong!

    Success takes dedication, hard work, persistence, and change. Dedication, hard work, and persistence can be painful. Some people are cut out for it and some people aren’t. The people that are, are the leaders. Being a leader is not comfortable and it’s not supposed to be. Being a leader takes character.

    Believe it or not, anyone can do it. “No one is born charismatic. It’s a choice, not a gift” (Tribes).

    Change almost never fails because it’s too early. It almost always fails because it’s too late.

    The time for change is now, my friends. If not now, when? There has never been a time where the need for positive change was more urgent. If you do not realize that this moment is all you have, then you do not have anything. This is it. After this moment, nothing is promised—not tomorrow, not next week, not your 81st birthday. You have this moment and you alone get to decide what you do with it. Yes, you can surf Facebook for a few more hours and stalk out your ex-boyfriend’s life for awhile more. You can also sit on the couch with a six-pack and watch The Jersey Shore marathon on MTV. …But if you asked me, I’d tell you that you’ve got more important things to do. Whether you’ve been waiting to pitch a great idea to your boss, waiting to take a proactive approach to your health, or waiting to embark on that 6 month “vagablogging” journey; stop waiting!

    There is really nothing in your way. There are no problems and no obstacles. Any anxiety that you might have stems from your past or your future; but your past and your future are not real! The only thing that is real is this moment, right now. The past and the future are in your head. No matter what you think is standing in your way, you can find a way around it. If you can’t get on the next flight to Melbourne (to start your career as a kangaroo-catcher) then sit down and figure out how you are going to make it happen. Right now.

    I’m frequently asked about getting credit. People want to know how to be sure they get credit for an idea, especially when they have a boss who wants to steal it. Or they want to know how to be sure to give me credit for an idea in a book or a blog post of their own.

    Real leaders don’t care.

    If it’s about your mission, about spreading faith, about seeing something happen, not only do you not care about credit, you actually want other people to take credit.

    There’s no record of Martin Luther King, Jr., or Gandhi whining about credit. Credit isn’t the point. Change is.

    Stop worrying about the obstacles and start taking action. Stop worrying about who is going to get credit and start making a difference.

    ————————————————————————

    What I loved most about Tribes is that it left me feeling like anything and everything is possible. The book is full of stories about ordinary people who did (and do) extraordinary things every single day. These people don’t let fear stop them. They become leaders and they create & inspire change. Every person is capable of this. You are capable of this! What do you want to do? Are you ready to become a leader? I say yes. Yes you are!

15 Comments

  1. Dena,

    This hits close to home. Those two quotes are life changing:

    There are no straight lines in nature.

    Nothing Else Matters but sitting down and trying everyday.

    I often get down on myself for not having a job in a field that I am passionate about. I currently see my job and a place where I need to be in order to get where I am going. A stepping stone that a ways off from the lake. Eventually I will get there, but I need to learn a few things along the way I guess.

    Thanks,

    Matt

    1. I’m really glad that those quotes resonated with you, Matt. 🙂 I know what you mean about not feeling “passionate” about your job. I find that pursuing my passions as hobbies often fills the void. But, still, I know what you mean. Sometimes it’s painful to be forced to do something you hate, or even dislike, for a paycheck.

      I’m still searching for the answers. Just when I think I’ve got it figure out, my world flips again.

  2. I favor the saying “one step at a time”, it says all we need to do in life. Just keep moving forward, try to do a little good each day and abide by the Golden Rule. Everything else will find its place around you as you move on step by step. No magic will fall from the sky, you will surprise yourself by making your own without even realizing it.

    1. You always sound so certain, secure, and calm. You are definitely a soothing presence in my life, Lou. It must be nice to have reached such a place of security & happiness in your life.

  3. As one of those forty-somethings who still struggles with what she wants to be when she grows up, I can tell you this: the struggle makes life richer. It fills in the color. It adds nuance to the flat and dull. Not knowing the answers is, for me, one of the amazing bits of living.

    I’ve missed you and wondered where your lovely posts were. Thanks for sharing your struggle. It made a post that speaks to more people than you know. xo

    1. Oh, thank you ever-so-much, Andra. Reading your words–“a post that speaks to more people thank you know”–absolutely fills me up! It is my greatest hope. You are so right, it is the struggle that gives life it’s spice. I wouldn’t want it any other way. <3

  4. Great blog post, and I love the statement that there are no straight lines in life! So true. I ‘ve been and done many different things in my almost 49 (aarrrrgghhhh!) years. What I loved five years ago would not work now. Winding paths are far more interesting anyway. Every day is indeed a chance to try again. And this quote comes to mind: “Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes it’s the quiet voice at the end of the day that says: “I’ll try again tomorrow.” 🙂

    1. “Winding paths are far more interesting anyway.”

      Ah, yes, yes, yes! Thank you so much for being here, Liz. Thank you for your comment and encouragement. 🙂

  5. I heard that pearls are made by outrageous tidal irritation. Anyone can hold their head high in the high-times, the swell-season. Grit and guts are made when the tide ebbs. Your words come from the tides of suffering–and so, are pearls. If I have anything of value to “glory” in, it’s the fact that I can’t even begun to articulate the long-suffering. Most things the world tells me I’m valuable for are good luck and good timing. There are no real pearls there.
    M
    p.s. my grandma was an artist too.
    p.s.s. i like your friend a lot too

  6. Haha…I’m in that 40 range. I would like to say it’s not too late…cause that would be depressing, and I don’t do that too well.

    Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break. Your post inspired me to acknowledge that I as falling into old yucky patterns of despair. So I took some action. Action cures!

  7. I love the story about you asking your grandmother for a ruler while painting… that is so beautiful. I’m honored to follow you as you figure these things out, Dena

    1. Thanks, Kristin! It is a very special memory for me. You know how I feel about my grandmother she was (and is) a true angel in my life. <3

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