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Destroy what destroys you.

evolutionyou.net | what destroys you

Everything passes. Everything changes. Just do what you think you should do. —Bob Dylan

Recently a gracious friend featured my words in his essay, How we see. In it, I said that my journey through crippling depression was like crossing a river. There are two sides to the river—the hopeless side and the side of hope & light. When I finally made it across and I was looking back, everything had changed. I was overcome with a deep sense of gratitude for all of it, even the struggle.

I use the metaphor of the river to describe my journey from darkness to light, but it also applies to my life every day. Each day I must choose again which side of the river I will stand on. Each day brings with it new beauty and new struggle. There will always be 1,000 obstacles. But—there will also always be—a choice.

When the obstacles begin to stack themselves against you, will you buckle or endure? Are you willing to fight for this?

Yesterday, I officially submitted my application to pursue my teaching certification. I simply do not have the words to express the enormity of what that means to my life’s path. Suffice it to say, it is huge. My life is changing once again.

The things in your life that have power are the things that you choose to give power to. From fear to hope, weakness to determination—over the past few weeks, my emotions have run the gamut. Here’s how I got through it. The next time that you find yourself struggling, I hope that these tips may serve as a life raft to you, too.

  1. Breathe. Breath is always the first and most important step. Before you do anything else, take control of your breathing. Take a deep breath in through your nostrils. Let the air flow through your chest and deep into the pit of your stomach. Allow your stomach to expand, like a balloon, as it fills with air. Then slowly exhale through your nose and expel all of the air from your body. Breathe in deeply again, allowing the air to fill your stomach as before. Each time you inhale, take in the positive energy & light around you. Let it fill & calm your soul. Each time you exhale, push out your negative energy & fear. Continue to do this until you feel calm.
  2. Trust your struggle. In the end, it doesn’t matter how much you plan or how carefully you’ve lined up your goals. Just when you finally think you’ve got it all figured out, life will pitch a shit storm at your head. Don’t fight it. Trust your struggle. Remember that even though it’s not always easy to see it in the present, when you look back on your life, the struggles are the most beautiful parts.
  3. Choose light. John Wayne said that tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It’s perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we’ve learned something from yesterday. I couldn’t agree more.Every day we wake up and we have another choice to make. Choose light. Remember that the things in your life that have power are the things that you choose to give power to. Surround yourself with people that bring you up and shut the others out. Give power to love, hope, and strength. Let the rest go.
  4. Take action. When the time is right, you will know what you have to do. If you open your heart to it, the answer will be crystal clear. If you don’t know now, you will know soon. Have patience, stop fighting, and just listen. When you are ready, move forward. Don’t let anything get in your way.

In love & light,
Dena

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    My Journey to Financial Freedom | Part 2: The Climb

    Emergency Fund

    Three years ago, I was nearly $60,000 in debt. I had a Bachelor’s degree that didn’t appear to be worth its weight in salt and a job that couldn’t cover a fraction of my monthly bills. I was terrified.

    Today, I am closer to complete financial freedom than I ever dreamed possible. Last week, I paid off my last remaining credit card balance. This two-part post is a celebration of this incredible milestone in my journey.

    In part one, I explained how I got to that terrible place. In part two, I will explain how I’m getting out of it (and how you can do it, too).

    ————————————————————————

    1. Change the way you think about spending money. For most of my life, I believed that money was made to be spent. I believed that I *deserved* to spend every dollar that I earned on some material thing that would “make me happy.” I coveted material possessions—clothes, jewelry, electronics, cars. What I realize now is that money is not meant to be spent. You only need to earn enough money to survive. You should have enough money to buy only what you need. There is no need for excess.

    “You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your fuc*ing khakis.” (Fight Club)

    This shift in mindset is hard to adjust to at first. You may not like the reactions that you receive from people. Believe me, I’ve been called cheap a few times, but I pay no mind to it. I would choose cheap over poor any day.

    2. Keep a budget. I highly recommend using Mint.com. I started using it in September and it has been one of the most transformational and useful tools throughout my journey to financial freedom. It allows you to sync up all of your accounts (loans, checking, savings, etc.) in one place. Then it keeps track of every transaction that you make and sorts/organizes all of the data for you. It allows you to track your spending over time and by category. It gives you incredible perspective and insight about where your money goes each month/year. It has been a truly eye-opening experience for me.

    If you’re unwilling to try Mint, you can keep a budget on a spread sheet or even by hand. However, the important thing is to be completely conscious about where every dollar you spend is going.

    3. Use a debit card. To reap the full Mint.com experience you should use a debit card for every purchase you make. Using the debit card will automatically flag each transaction you make into the appropriate category. So if you go to Shoprite, it will get marked as groceries. If you go to Home Depot it will get marked as home. If you stop at the gas station it will get marked as automobile, and so on.

    I use my debit card (linked to my checking account) for almost every single transaction that I make. I also have all of my monthly bills (like my auto insurance, utilities, and gym membership) automatically debited from the same checking account each month. It makes keeping track of my spending that much easier. Plus, I do not like dealing with cash. The debit card is quick, easy, and is accepted almost everywhere now.

    Whether or not you use Mint.com it is a good idea to use a debit card simply because you can review all of your purchases and purchase amounts on your monthly statement. Trying to keep track of receipts is a hassle that I don’t have time for.

    4. Pay off credit cards and cut them up. Paying off my credit cards was my first priority. For awhile I tried “credit card surfing.” Let me just tell you from experience, it’s overrated and it really doesn’t work. The idea is that you surf from credit card to credit card by transferring balances. A lot of companies will give you 0% APR for 6 months if you transfer your balances over to them. After the 6 months, you “surf” to a new card with another promotional rate.

    The problem with this tactic is that it gets messy quickly, it becomes difficult to keep up with, and if you lose track you will end up getting burned by high APRs, finance fees, cancellation fees, etc. Also, it probably doesn’t look great on your credit report if you’re opening up a new card every 6 months or so.

    It is much safer and wiser to just stop using credit cards! My theory is simple and has taken me very far: If you can not afford to buy it, then you can not afford it. Period. It is simple logic.

    5. Eat in. This is one of the easiest changes to make, but it also comes with an enormous, positive impact. When I started closely tracking my spending habits, I was shocked to see how much I was spending on eating out. A meal at a decent restaurant goes for about $25 per person. If you eat out twice a week, that is $3,120 a year. If you grab lunch out during the work week, it’s about $8 a day. That’s $2,080 a year. Put those together and you could be spending $5,200 a year or more on dining out! That is outrageous and completely unnecessary.

    Since I started eating in and packing lunches, I’ve taken my monthly food spending from $500 down to $200 or less! Over time, that means enormous savings. Check out 5dollardinners.com for some awesome, inexpensive recipes. I love it! Also, investing in a crock pot was one of the wisest decisions I ever made—chili, sausage & peppers, and goulash will be your new (delicious, cheap) best friends. (Here are some more tips for eating healthy & mindfully.)

    6. Direct deposit money into savings every month. This is my final—and perhaps most important—tip. When I began my journey to financial freedom, I opened a savings account with ING Direct. It is an easy-to-use online savings account and it gives you interest on the money that you save. It also allows you to set up easy direct deposits.

    I started out small, depositing $50 a month into my savings. As I learned to keep my budget tighter and tighter, I increased the amount that I put into my savings each month. Currently, I am putting away $500+ per month and hope to get closer to $1,000 per month in the very near future.

    When you direct deposit the funds, it comes out automatically. It is painless because you don’t have to do a thing. Because it’s automatic, after awhile you don’t even notice that it’s missing. (I remember reading that on another blog several months ago and thinking, “Are you out of your mind?! I’m not going to miss it? Yea right!”) But I can honestly say that after a few months, you adjust to the missing money. You truly do not miss it once it becomes normal for that amount to be deposited into savings automatically each month.

    It has been one of the best decisions that I’ve made and because I’ve worked so hard to get to this place—I don’t touch that money! I am keeping it there for a rainy day or to pay off my student loans someday in one fell swoop.

    ————————————————————————

    As I stated at the start of this post, three years ago I was almost $60,000 in debt; I was twenty-three years old; and I was scared to death. Today, I have my finances under control! I am on the road to financial freedom and you can get here, too. Truly, it is not as hard as it seems. With common sense and a bit of dedication, it will happen. Paying off my last credit card balance was like taking chains off of my wrists for the first time in seven years. The feeling was completely priceless. If I can do it, anybody can.

    So, what are your financial goals? Have you ever been in financial prison? How did you free yourself? If you’re still there, what are you going to do to break free?

12 Comments

  1. Dena,

    Thanks again for contributing. Your “vision” is so restorative.

    Got me thinking: if I really have anything to share (anything of real value), it’s not charisma or vocab or storytelling.

    It’s what’s been salvaged from deep and inimitable suffering. It has informed my teaching & made it more than a job.

    Kids are suffering little adults and want/need people who’ve been there. The deeper the pit, the greater the comfort we’ve to share.

    Warm regards,
    M

    1. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share within your net. Those experiences are some of the best I think. Taking a few moments to step into another person’s terrain and let your heart slip out for a moment, to share what’s inside.
      There are a great many things that you have to share my humble friend. As ever, I am so grateful for your presence in my life.
      Ah, the deeper the pit, indeed.

    1. Thank you, my beautiful friend. It’s so exciting, fresh, new. These parts of any journey are so much fun aren’t they. Now to keep up the momentum when the going gets rough. Here I go! <3

  2. !! So happy for you, very proud that you made the decision. This is going to be huge for you.

    Enjoyed your writing on mdr.com, three completely different ways to see the world, it was a good mix.

    1. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Andrew! Your support, encouragement, and advice have meant so much to me through these recent… adventures.

  3. Thrilled for you, you are a teacher at heart and will be great at it. I taught school for 4 years and loved it and then life sorta took a turn and I would up doing something else. I always look back at teaching as a wonderful experience and I try to bring a part of it to whatever I do today.

    1. Thanks, Lou. I used to teach, too. I taught for a few years while I was an undergrad — K – 8 grade Spanish. I was teaching nine classes a week. It was a tremendous experience and I am thrilled about getting back in the classroom. The next stage in my adventures. 🙂 Thank you for always being here! I’ll bet you were a phenomenal teacher. (You still are!)

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